Phenomenal Woman? Phenomenal Salad.

27 Nov

Having a baby is an amazing privilege. Having a postpartum body is an amazing pain in my ass. Let’s back up. I’ve had the same body since I was 15 years old. Five feet, ten inches and 145 pounds since I was 15 frikkin’ years old. Being 15, a girl and 5’10” is difficult. Being 32, a woman and 5’10” is awesome. And I know what you’re thinking, “Oh, poor little giant skinny girl finally has some thighs, cry me a river”. And I get it. I really do. However, I’ve known my body to be the same exact shape and size for the past 17 years and now all of a sudden there’s a muffin top and hips and I have no idea what to do with myself. Yes, there’s also an amazingly sweet baby but did you not hear me when I said there’s a muffin top too because there is. If we still lived in Michigan and I could hide under bulky sweaters and that sweet, sweet Midwestern physique I would be a happier camper. But alas, we live in Miami, land of perpetual summer and Real Housewives and billboard after billboard advertising liposuction with completely unrealistic before and after pictures of “happy” clients (mostly women). I consider myself a pretty confident woman but even the most strong amongst us start to break after being exposed to the expectations of Miami living. And please, I want to get all ‘Phenomenal Woman’, Maya Angelou on myself and most days I can but the reality is that it takes work to get to know this new body of mine. I am so grateful for the life it nourished and brought forth but no one said I couldn’t be grateful for all that AND miss my favorite skinny jeans . . . right?

OK, so this brings us to the food (the food!). In celebration of Meatless Monday and in trying to keep the carb consumption to a minimum I made a kosher replica of my favorite salad from the now closed Calliope Cafe in Chicago. I stumbled upon Calliope Cafe thanks to my cousin, Mike. The place was the size of my first apartment and everything was made and prepared in house. It was the perfect Chicago ‘mom and pop’ cafe. The salad showcased all my favorite comfort food flavors—sharp cheddar, black beans, buffalo wing sauce, cilantro. It’s possible I’ve lost you by now but I promise it worked. Because this salad was B.K., Before Kosher, I now recreate it with those delicious fake Buffalo wings from MorningStar Farms and a few other complimentary ingredients. I also add one final ingredient that just takes it to a whole other level and will probably be the reason why it’ll take me a bit longer to get back into those favorite skinny jeans but it’s totally worth it. Scroll down for more.


1. Mixed lettuce
2. Shredded cheddar cheese (as much as you want)
3. 1/2 cup black beans
4. 1/2 cup canned corn
5. 1 diced tomato
6. 5 – 6 Fake Buffalo wings
7. Bunch of cilatntro

How’s That Now?

Add items into bowl—-it’s a salad.


Food Besties–Cilantro y Avocado

Epic Salad – Please excuse the poor quality of picture. The lighting is terrible in our place at night.

Once your salad is all pretty you can eat it as is or . . . . you could add french fries.


That’s right. French Fries.

French fries. I know, it’s a little ridiculous but everything else in the salad was organic. Also, the cheese I use is GMO free and I’m pretty sure the avocados were local. Does that make it at all better? No? Well, it’s delicious. I’m telling you. Delicious. Also, just to kick the healthy up to another level, I tend to put Ranch dressing and some Frank’s Red Hot sauce on the whole thing and call it a day. I suggest you do the same. Enjoy!


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