The Days of Ow!

5 Oct

Whew.  If you’re like me?  The Days of Awe have been more like The Days of OWW!  I’ve been running around going to services, working, baking, traveling.  It has been a lot.  I’m tired, y’all!  I should probably be in bed. If only.  If I’m going to answer all of the questions for my Beit Din before my next meeting with my Rabbi?  I’ve got to get to work!  So, I figured I’d throw one out there for us to think about.  So it’s conversion question day!  Maybe one day I’ll ever get to cook for myself again and hand out a recipe or two?  Maybe.

How do you imagine G-d?

I know, right?  Can you believe I have to sit in front of people and answer this question?  That’s a lot to take in.  G-d.  At first this question really scared me and I thought I should save it for the end.  Then I decided that it was best to get it over with.  So, here goes.  I used to imagine G-d as the old man on a cloud behind the pearly gates.  You know that old imagery.  I’m sure at some point or other we’ve all had that picture in our mind. He’s up there making decisions and answering prayers.  Maybe that’s because that’s what we’re taught as children?  At least that’s what I was taught.  Though I always saw everything through grand fairytale, storybook glasses when I was a kid, so this Disney version makes sense.

I don’t think of G-d as a person so much any more.  I think of G-d as a force.  Maybe that sounds goofy.  It’s hard for me to quantify G-d.  I don’t know what G-d looks like and I’m having a far harder time trying to describe anything having to do with him/her.  The more I think about G-d the less I know what to say.  I try not to think of G-d and what form he might take.  I try to just think of him/her as the thing that is in control.  What I do know is that G-d exists.  I know because of how incredibly lucky (blessed) I am.  I think that’s it for me.  I see G-d in the blessings.  I see him in the lessons (even the junk I don’t like).

Oprah has a really nice way of talking about G-d.  She says that he starts by throwing pebbles at you.  Those are the moments in your life where you see little coincidences.  The times when you have a certain feeling or intuition about something.  When you don’t pay attention G-d starts throwing small rocks to get our attention.  If you still aren’t getting the message?  The rocks (messages) get bigger until  he eventually drops a boulder on your head.  No, I don’t think G-d is throwing rocks at me, but I do think that I’m getting guidance every day and sometimes it comes in whispers and sometimes I get a message as big as a mountain.  Maybe that’s it.  Maybe G-d to me, how I see him, is as a guiding force or light in my life.  The way things come together or don’t and the lesson in that.

What about you?  How do you see G-d?  Do you?

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